How are you, really?
Relationships sometimes run on autopilot. Conversations are flat like a bot script, there are the occasional memes of course and things look fine. Well, not really, that may be what it is for you or even how it looks like. However, just because the joker is smiling doesn’t mean he is happy. So not until we take the step of asking will we truly know how the person is. Often, it is only until a dark omen has transpired over their lives do we genuinely ask, how are you.
Yes, women may seem better at this but that comes down to them usually starting the conversation of I am not okay or just showing how they are. Guys seldom openly share how they are because their feelings are sometimes not taken that seriously by people and themselves also. Behavior expectations and ‘accepted’ social norms tell them to disregard anything that may be regarded as unmanly. It is imperative to ask, you honestly asking says you care, isn’t it nice to have someone care about well being. It removes the assuming. The relationship grows as you understand and relate to the other person better.
What if they don’t immediately say anything useful? Well damn, you won’t be the first person to get an I am okay. People won’t instantly regurgitate the writings on their hearts or minds. That is because that information in another’s hands is ammunition, the deadly kind like kryptonite, taxes, and chocolate (i am weak for it shhh), to name a few. Trust may need to grow between you two do not take it personally. The person will remember the effort you putting in actually asking how they are. On the other hand, the person may not actually know how they are, unbelievable right? No. Life happens in hieroglyphs and you are not sure how to make sense of things. But because you asked you can hold a light while they raid the tomb for answers.
It sounds like a small thing to ask how someone is but it goes a long way in growing a relationship and building trust. It’s the simple things that have a profound impact on all our lives.
